Top 10 holiday gadgets

It's a heatwave out there, so we assume you'll all be packing up your bags for the annual summer holiday soon and heading off to cooler climes. So which gadgets are you going to take with you? And what can you do without?

1. Just follow these simple instructions
One of the most patronising sounding apps for the iPhone promises to help the lady in your life pack her suitcase before going on holiday. The app, which none of us wanted to download, offers a number of tips, and even suggests 12 essential items that all women should take away with them. We don't know what these essentials are, and to be honest we don't want to know either. Vacation Essentials is currently on sale at just 59p. Cheaper than a pair of Primark flip flops.

2. I'll shoot you if you don't move
Tourist Remover by futureLAB removes not just tourists from your photos but anything you want. You take a number of photos of the same scene, upload them and wait while the software blends them into one composite photograph. This means that your work trip to the niche developer conference in Las Vegas can suddenly become your holiday to Las Vegas. How you explain the vendor polo shirt and name badge is up to you.

3. But can it carry itself?
Got pockets that are both wide and deep? Well, this Swiss Army knife is looking for a home, at least it would be if it wasn't already sold out. The Giant Knife costs around £850 and is made up of 87 implements capable of performing 141 functions. But to be honest, once we'd opened a can of beans and got a stone out of a horse's shoe we ran out of ideas.

4. Under the sea
Splash-proof phones are one thing, but proper waterproof ones that you can actually use underwater are the stuff of dreams in the lost city of Atlantis. Sony Ericsson launched its so9021wp last year without much of a splash (see what we did there) and because of this we think it's worth bringing to your attention. Not only can it survive a dunking in the briny, but you can hear and speak through it while it's down there. Altogether now: "SPEAK UP. I'm in a shark."

5. I found the shoes - now where are the kids?
We haven't had enough time to assess all the different GPS devices out there. However, we do like the idea of the GPS Shoe, which could let you keep track of your kids or, given its sizing, Jeanette Krankie. The only downfall is that we took a look at the company site and couldn't work out how to buy the shoes. We could invest in the idea, though. But we'll probably wait and see how they pan out before doing that.

6. When going deep goes too far
A video camera for scuba diving makes great sense for us. At least it did until we saw a picture of it. It's dangerous enough underwater without drawing unnecessary attention to yourself, so adding two large headlamps to the side of your head is only likely to anger privacy-sensitive bottom-dwelling sea fish. We'd probably buy this one, but never unpack it. We'll leave the finding of Nemo to someone else.

7. And the tiny band played on
Some plans are doomed to fail so, while your two weeks away gets cancelled due to work commitments, why don't you celebrate another ill-fated voyage? This remote control replica of RMS Titanic could be hours of fun or just minutes of carnage. That all depends on how long it takes you to ram it into the nearest remote control iceberg.

8. Luke, I am not your father
Is there anything more suitable - or unsuitable - for taking to the beach than a Death Star-shaped beach ball? Yes, of course there is. But that doesn't mean you don't want one. You can also get an R2D2 floating drinks holder. Imagine the kind of girls you could attract with that.

9. Mummy, what is that man doing?
It's tough to leave everything about work behind, so we don't doubt that you'll need some sort of access to company systems. This means you need a small, light, economically powered and, most importantly, cheap netbook to take away with you. We strongly recommend that you get one that is book sized, and camouflage it to look like the latest Dan Brown. We know that's likely to prove embarrassing, but it's much better than the alternative. You are supposed to be on holiday.

10. Use sunscreen
Like someone else once said: "If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it." Admittedly that is not advice in itself, but 'wear sunscreen' makes a lot of sense. You might think you are ripe for tanning, but haven't you spent the majority of the year in a datacentre? Or in a meeting room? Or scurrying about underneath a desk chasing cables? This means you are ripe for burning. Take some factor 55. That should save you from being red-faced, red-shouldered, red-necked and red-backed on your first day back in the office.